Monday, December 29, 2008

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

I really love Christmas, i love everything about Christmas. This Christmas was special, i got to spend it with the people i love, family members whom i had not seen in a long time.

This Christmas we got to host a family/friends party....it was fun, apart from scrubbing the sufurias. Having so many people at our place made me appreciate the gift of family, friends, love and good health.......though two mbuzis had to die for us to enjoy...mmm...(i should become a vegeterian...). We had fun, shared stories and hugs were in plenty.....i also got to share this Christmas with my Muslim brothers and sisters......now thats what i call a special Christmas....

This Christmas was special because Kenyans celebrated without fear like last year...we had Peace, i thank God for that.....As the new year approaches i pray that peace,Love and unity will prevail....i do not make any resolutions....i just live my life with hope that the Best is Yet to Come..........Happy New Year.....

Friday, December 5, 2008

Gift of Life and Love

Yesterday December 4th was my birthday, nothing special happened but i was happy. Happy that i was alive, happy that i have people who love me and happy that God has given me the gift of life.

Though am far from home, i was abit lonely but when my brother smsed me at the stroke of midnight, just to remind me that am loved, i knew home is where the heart is. Alot has happened for the past year, i got a job far from home, it was scary but it was the push i needed. It was a year of finding and building relationships for me, and as everyday goes by i realise am still making new relationships and doing away with those that do not have an impact in my life.

This year i lost a good friend, her death taught me the value of never taking anything for granted. Rest in Peace Leah.....

It was a year that i lost my way but it was through getting lost that i discovered me. As i celebrate my birthday, i have a smile on my face for i have no regrets on whatever has happened so far.....and i believe that the Best is Yet to Come....

Monday, November 10, 2008

Long Road Home

Saturday i had a long day....apart from mising my bus to coast, then waiting for another one for two hours alone and then the bus breaking down....anyway it was long day. Though it was tiring, i didn't complain...i had time to reflect on the little things that had taken place in Nairobi.

One person who was on mind is a close friend, She is one of my dearest friends and the one girl who can even read my mind. On Saturday i was reflecting on her journey through life, it has not been easy for her i must say but she has managed to overcome. She shared a part of the journey that i was unable to travel with her, the part of the journey that she hated the most.

From her story i learnt one thing...there is a huge difference between pity and love, Obsession and love and above all Happiness is key to self love. She gave up part of her life not because she was in love but because along the way she felt pity for someone.

Though she kept that part of her journey from all who loved her, it still haunted her. One thing with pity is that you get tired, tired of pretending to love, tired of knowing you are not happy but you are afraid to walkaway. You can only pretend to smile for too long...so that's the part of the journey we took together.

The journey was not easy, she had to reflect on what she wanted, on who she wanted to be with and whose rules she would abide by. Am glad she realised her happiness comes first and that you do not need to be with someone to be happy and that in life's journey you have to abide by your rules.

Her journey was tough, hearts had to be broken but though she walked away with tears in her eyes she was smiling, and this time she was smiling from the heart. Though i feel bad that i never got to share this part of her journey with her, am glad i was standing on the next stop waiting for her to alight.

If you are reading this, just know am proud of you, am glad that you discovered the joy of smiling from the heart.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Mtwapa

Mtwapa....ask anyone who has visited the town before and they will smile...
I would describe Mtwapa as the Sodom and Gormorah of the mordern times...for those who do not know it,Mtwapa is a town in Kilifi, not far from Mombasa.

The town is famous for its pubs and most importantly call girls and the beach boys, its the only town in Kenya i know that you can walk half naked and noone will even question...and its the only town in Kenya that makes me feel over-dressed.
No other town in Kenya has so many biracial kids that speak fluent Swahili and broken English. Welcome to Mtwapa the town that never sleeps.

What irritates me most are the beach boys who do nothing all day they sit hoping they will get a white old lady to provide for them. As for the ladies, as long as you are a white male then count yourself lucky. Then there is a group of White men called "Kenya Kimbo" funny name.....they are called KK for they have been living in Kenya for so long that they have learned how to make a good bargain using the Swahili Language....

Mtwapa is the only town in Kenya that i would never want to raise a kid, am afraid that the only role models around are the beach boys and the call girls. As i walk through the streets of Mtwapa i feel as if am far from Kenya, because noone cares about Hiv AIDS here....its all about partying and girls and boys hoping they will nail a white man or woman with a fat cheque...

what happens in Mtwapa stays in Mtwapa.....

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

What the Lord has done.....

Its been long since i wrote....its lunch break and i can jot a few lines....

Thanks to Bonny i have something to reflect on....

My cousin Loise is the strongest lady i know...she has been through so much yet she is still smiling, you can never tell when she is sad. Her dad passed away when we were still young....then tragedy hit her again...her mom passed away in November 2001 a month after Loise had given birth.....it was a sad period for her....but she overcame it. She had to take care of her baby and her little sister....Loise being Loise did an amazing job....

Just when life was going smoothly for her tragedy struck again....the father of her baby was arrested, the dust had not even settled when on July 9th 2004 her sister passed away due to heart failure, she was only 13yrs old...I was with Loise on that day, and i have never felt so helpless in my life. For the first time in my life i questioned God, wny her? so many tears...loosing all the people close to you....but God was with us all....he wiped the tears away.

Seeing Loise smile through it all has been a lesson for me....her strength i cannot describe....she is a miracle, and when i look at her and i see her radiant face, i know God is watching....Loise you are the strongest woman i know...Thank you for being you........

Thanks Bonny for reminding me that God is always with us.....

Thursday, August 21, 2008

From the Heart.....

Today am feeling low, i don't feel like replying any mails, i don't feel like answering my phone. I just want to run away and just for a minute forget the hurt i feel inside.

With nowhere to run to or hide, i will just drift to my world of writing, maybe i will find some comfort. A month ago i thought i had it all, a good job, a good man and great family and friends, but today i feel as if am all alone. Honestly i never thought anyone would be capable of making me feel so low and sad, guess am human after all.

Today am learning a great lesson, that Love is sacrifice, that i have to sacrifice alot in order to be happy. That i should fight for love but i do not how to fight. When it comes to love i have always shielded my heart from the pain but today i can feel its breaking into pieces and i can do nothing about it.....

Friday, August 8, 2008

Ghetto Story

Yesterday as I watched the news, I saw some youths protesting over the killing of a young man by the police. They all said he was not a thief but the police thought otherwise. As I watched the story, I remembered the late Zion, who was a friend, a neighbor back in Mathare slums.

Zion was a good friend, we grew up playing together and giving each other hope that we would succeed. He was a football player and he did love the game, he even traveled out of the country to represent in a youth tournament. I could not have been happier for him, he was living his dream.

After his trip things changed, he wanted to be rich no matter what, and he became the ladies man. His new lifestyle demanded money which he did not have, he turned to stealing. He was arrested, I remember going to see him in jail, and he was all teary. Asked him what had happened to the dream, he said poverty had changed him. That was a poor excuse. The gods were on his side for he was released after a few months.

Zion never changed, he became more experienced. Whenever we talked he reminded me to never give up the dream. Luck was not on Zion’s side, he was gunned down. He was wearing an Arsenal (his favorite team) t-shirt and blue jeans. There was a pregnant girl crying, she was one of Zion’s girlfriends.

Youths were protesting that an innocent young man had been killed, but I knew better. They all knew the truth but they wanted someone to blame, I blamed society and I blamed Zion for giving up on his dream.

I walked from the scene, because I saw a dream die that day.
Zion, am still pursing my dream……

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

When Did i Grow up?

Did i grow up the day the Biology teacher taught me about my body?
Did i grow up the day i could not stare at a boy for one second?
Or did i grow up the day i got my first love letter from a stranger?
Or was is when the red robot struck?
Did i grow up the day Mama gave me a lecture on boys?
Or was is it when my body yearned to be touched?
Did i grow up the day my heart was in love?
Or did i grow up when my heart was broken?
Did i grow up when i learnt to say No to my heart's desires?
Or was is it when i could not let go off a bad relationship?
Did i grow up when i lost a loved one and i had to deal with the pain?
Or was is it when i said goodbye with tears flowing freely?
Will i grow up when i have a ring on my finger?
Or when i have to care for someone else other than me?
Guess i grow up everyday.......

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Rose That Grew From Concrete

This poem is about Tupac and how he raised from a dirty situation to shine. Its my favorite poem....

The Rose That Grew From Concrete


Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack
in the concrete
Proving nature's law wrong it learned 2 walk
without having feetFunny it seems but by keeping its dreams
it learned 2 breathe fresh air
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else ever cared!

- Tupac Shakur

Tupac wrote from the heart...this other poem shows the other side of him...he had emotions too

I Cry
Sometimes when I'm alone
I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confiding,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why.

Tupac Shakur

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Yesterday

Yesterday the clouds were dark and everyone was running afraid of the storm,
Yesterday i did not run from the rain i wanted to feel the first raindrops,
It felt so good inside as the first raindrops hit my head i prayed for me,
I stood right in the middle of the rain and let it wash my hidden tears,
Yesterday the raindrops cleaned my bleeding soul and my broken heart,
Yesterday i did not want to run from the pain so i let it all out,
I felt at peace as every drop fell on my trembling and cold body,
Yesterday i started afresh thanks to those raindrops......

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Behind the Mask

On Friday i removed my mask, it was a mask that i did not want to let go off...but here i was with my girlfriends, the most amazing people, we all had different masks.
That day i realized that we all hide behind the mask, pretending we are people we are not.Pretending we are happy and that we are leading satisfied lives while behind it all we crave for something different.
As i talked to my girls(i love calling them that), i let go of the mask, it felt good. To finally speak from the heart and admit that i was clinging to a dream that i should let go of and to be able to face my fears head held high. At times in life we have to let go of the small things that pull us back. It could be a bad relationship, stuck in a career that sucks and at times smiling when you should cry....

That day i learn't, that i don't have to smile when i want to cry and that i don't have to be with someone in order to be happy...i don't want to nurse a crippled heart 20 years down the line....
Hope you will not be hiding behind that mask...Yell if you want to, God knows how much you can handle....

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Life's Lessons

Some things you can never erase from your memory, like what i saw today as i headed to the office. It was something that made me want to cry and i also felt very ashamed of myself.
I usually take the bus in the morning, apart from the showers in the morning everything was like usual. I love the front seats, and i get to see Nairobi like a tourist but today someone had already sat there. It was a young man, i wanted to sit next to him but he was bleeding it was like someone had beaten him up. So i took the sit behind him.
I wanted to talk to him but i decided not to, everyone who got in the bus skipped that sit. Then a lady full of class took the sit next to him, what she did was amazing, she greeted the young man then took a tissue paper and helped him wipe his face. At that moment i remembered the story of the Good Samaritan, and i realized it was the same thing happening. The Lady talked to the man, i could not hear what he was saying for i was clouded with a mixture of emotions, i felt guilty and sad for ignoring that man. All he needed was a kind word.
I learn't my lesson as for the lady i will never forget her act of kindness. Next time i will do better...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The story of Colors

When i was eight years old, i remember we presented a skit on colors. The Skit was about why God made the rainbow. With all the events happening in Kenya, the skit applies to our beloved Country.

I was Orange and there was blue, red among other colors. The colors were fighting, each trying to prove it was better than the rest. Red claiming it was all powerful, Blue claiming it was God's favorite and Orange claiming it was the strongest. It was the battle of the mighty. The part i remember most is where God intervenes he says "You stupid colors fighting among yourselves, don't you know i created you all, none of you is mighty than other. I created you to help each other not to fight". I don't know why after all these years i still remember that part.

The story of colors, is a lesson for all Kenyans, we are brothers and sisters. We are from different tribes, Mijikenda,Taita, Luo, Kikuyu ETC, but none is too important than the other. We need each other, i need my luo brother to make sure i get my fish, i need my Kikuyu sister to make sure i get my Githeri on time, i need my Swahili Old man to remind me the words of wisdom from yester years.

Kenyans we are one...my bestfriends are not from my tribe yet we get along so well, lets not hate each other over something so small.

God Bless Kenya.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Family

Sometimes, your family disappoints you. Sometimes they just surprise you...

Friday, January 25, 2008

Missing what we never had

You are one lovely gift i will never have
Missing all that could have been for us
Missing the chance to be a part of you
Missing the chance to share a private joke
Am Missing what we never had....

Friday, January 18, 2008

A Letter to Dedan Kimathi

Dear Kimathi,

Today i saw your statue, it made me want to cry. Tall, firm and watching over us...yet we have lost our way. Kimathi since December 27th when i cast my vote things have changed, i haven't seen my friends for so long for they are afraid to come out of their houses.

You wonder why and yet you went to the bush to fight for our freedom, things have changed. We have power hungry leaders who have managed to make Kenya there battle field, they made us vote yet they do not care what happens to us. Did i tell you people were burnt alive inside a church? shocked....we cried as mothers narrated how they watched children burn to death, it all happened in Kenya Dedan, "the pride of Africa". For the past three days Nairobi was a ghost town, why you may ask. Youths invaded major towns in the name of mass action, they looted and others got shot. It was a sad affair.

Dedan i look at your statue and wonder if this is what you and the rest of the freedom fighters fought for? Am afraid that we are loosing Kenya, not to colonialists but a group of people who think Kenya is for the rich and powerful. Dedan am afraid that things will never be the same again, tribalism is at all time high, yet all my friends are from different tribes.

Kimathi, Kenya needs a statesman, someone who cares for Kenya not his interests, someone who will set an example and make Kenya one. Rest in Peace Kimathi as you watch over us.....i await a brighter tomorrow and you will see me smile again as i walk past your statue on Kimathi street. God bless and Save Kenya

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

My Vote

Fear grips me as i approach my neighbor
Should i say hello or just walk by in fear
He looks at me with eyes filled with hatred
what crime did i commit? why so much anger?
Yet i dare not ask him for am so afraid
isn't he the same man who was my brother
isn't he the same person i laughed with
isn't she the same woman i gossiped with
guess my vote is to blame for my woes
he does not know whom i voted for
yet he hates me with a passion so strong
Neighbor please forgive me for my vote
i don't know whom i was supposed to vote for
lets go back to yesterday and love again

Monday, January 7, 2008

"I want MY KENYA BACK"

I want My Kenya back...Mr. politician
What have you done to us?
why have you divided us?
I Miss my rainbow friends
I miss my Family members
I miss walking Down the Streets
I miss the crowded streets
Yet all i see and hear are cries
Cries of Innocent people
Cries of hungry children
Cries of women
Cries of Slain Men
Cries of a tired people
Ohh how i hate thee for These
For every blood drop
For every tear
God will avenge for us
Kenyans remember "Tribe is Nothing"
We are all brothers & Sisters
All i want is My Kenya Back
My Rainbow Kenya where love
Peace & Unity Prevailed

Hope

Nothing in life comes easy, we have to fight all odds to get what we want. I have been reading the story of Joseph and David (My favorite s...